we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
