Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
