i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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