I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
