he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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