I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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