I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
