I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
