I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
