Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
