how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
