I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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