Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
