Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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