Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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