U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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