it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
