I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize