Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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