"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
