Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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