i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
