anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
