I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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