the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
