Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
