Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
