Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
