I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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