Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
