Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
