oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
