I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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