Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
