Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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