i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
