I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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