# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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