He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
