He told me they were just razor bumps!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
