He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
