Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
