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I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
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