So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess