We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
23 Times Kids Said the Harshest Things
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
21 Rich People Confess The Best And Worst Things About Being Wealthy
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?