Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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