Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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