I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Dear god my vagina.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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