You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
