some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We left the knife in your bed.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
