at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
