do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize