sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
