You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just found puke in my bra..
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
