we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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