what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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