He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
