I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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