Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
So. Much. Porn.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
