Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
