Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
