How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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