Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
