is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize