yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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